So long sass!
Toblerones mutilated in the wake of Brexit; a Cruel Intentions spin-off axed before it even hit our screens; a GBBO starved of Mary Berry’s soggy bottoms. No this isn’t the worst nightmare ever – all aboard 2016! The number one spot for abominations. Just when I thought the year was done dishing them up on a golden platter, another unthinkable occurred.
Apple ditched the sassy girl emoji and replaced her with a fraud.
Yes, the nation’s sasspot and the creme de la creme of emoji, ’tis no more. She, who put hot sauce in our bags, ’tis gone. No, nothing shall fill the void in our lives like her sasstastic spirit. She who served us so loyalty, so diligently, supplying the perfect level of sass on every occasion.
Dodge the hangover from hell and wake up like Jesus resurrected? #sassyemoji
When you’re so hungover your world turns to soggy porridge? #sassyemoji
Crack a joke and realise you’re lit The Fat Jewish? #sassyemoji
Realise if The Fat Jewish knew this, he’d sue you for libel? #sassyemoji
Remember a fact from your GCSE archives and feeling smart AF? #sassyemoji
The one and only fact in your GCSE archives? #sassyemoji
When life’s as fabulous as Samantha Jones? #sassyemoji
When it’s just you and Larry David versus the world? #sassyemoji
Learn what the amuse-bouche is and feeling more cultured than the Seven Seas? #sassyemoji
Indulging in Pot Noodles and feelin’ like a Queen? #sassyemoji
Friday night – cut the club at 8 AM? #sassyemoji
Friday night – swaddled in blankets by 8 PM? #sassyemoji
Feeling yourself? #sassyemoji
Don’t give a – ? #sassyemoji
Do give a – ? #sassyemoji
Win an argument with bae? #sassyemoji
Lose an argument with bae? #sassyemoji (she wins it back every time…)
Whenever in doubt? #sassyemoji
iOS9 sass was where it was at. Such was life back in the feel-good days. The funny is, Apple never intended for their ‘customer service person’ to become millennial’s cultural icon. Honestly though Apple, with a title as bland as that, who can blame her for derailing? It really is magical what a hair-flick and a cheeky sparkle in the eye can do.
Alas, now all the spice in our life has been replaced with an insipid, vanilla topping. An emoji which screams less-sass-pure-sedation.
Cue not so sassy girl iOS10.
Don’t lament though. Here are some examples of when this new kid on the block can come into her own.
Would you like no seasoning with that? #iOS10
When one has no intention of whipping their hair forth and back #iOS10
Today’s forecast: dull, grey skies and never-ending showers #iOS10
Sass? I can think of a better idea. Why not wash your mouth out with detergent? #iOS10
When you realise you have no soul #iOS10
I feel as awkward as you about this…#iOS10
Oh, how I’ll miss you my soulful sass sista. I’ll still think of you through all of life’s hair-flicking good and bad moments. You were the apple of my eye, and to so many others – maybe your makers just got well jel? Like Cinderella and her glass slipper, only you had the perfectly sculpted sass to fit the bill. So until Apple recover their sanity, I’ll be wearing black, pining for your brilliant return.
Rest in sass XO